How Do You Talk to Someone About Showering?

2 days ago

Let’s start with a crucial disclaimer: This is NOT for those struggling with depression or Shower Avoidance Syndrome. Depression can make even the simplest tasks, like showering, feel insurmountable. It’s not about laziness—it’s about a medical condition that saps energy and clouds thoughts.

Similarly, Shower Avoidance Syndrome often develops due to underlying factors such as anxiety disorders, trauma, sensory sensitivities, or obsessive-compulsive tendencies. For those experiencing this, the thought of stepping into an enclosed space with running water—or dealing with the sensory overload that comes with it—can provoke intense discomfort or fear, leading to avoidance behaviors.

If you or someone you care about is navigating these challenges, know that help is available. Call or text the 988 Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Trained counselors are there 24/7 to listen and provide support.

This article, however, is for those who may have simply gone nose-blind to their own... aroma. Maybe it’s your coworker who avoids deodorant like the plague, your roommate who swaps a shower for a quick spritz of Axe body spray, or a family member who swears by a once-a-week rinse. Tackling these situations can be delicate, but with empathy, tact, and kindness, you can help without turning it into an uncomfortable ordeal.

10 Ways to Tell Someone They Need to Shower (Without Becoming Their Nemesis)

1. Make It Private (or Text It)

Timing is key when bringing up sensitive topics like this. Of course, you want to avoid blurting out, “Hey, you smell!” in front of others—even if your nose is begging for you to say it every time you catch a whiff. Instead, wait for a private moment when no one else is around, and when the person is in a good mood and not overwhelmed or stressed.

A one-on-one conversation in a relaxed, neutral setting helps minimize defensiveness and encourages openness. If face-to-face timing isn't ideal, consider sending a thoughtful text. Sometimes, written words allow them to process things more comfortably without feeling like they're being put on the spot.

2. Sprinkle in Some Self-Deprecation

Using humor and sharing your own mishaps can ease the tension and make the conversation less confrontational. Be honest—don’t make up a story—but highlight a real moment when you’ve been on the receiving end of similar feedback: "I’ll never forget the time someone told me my hair smelled like a wet dog. I was horrified, but hey, I’m glad they told me before I started getting mistaken for a pet!”

By focusing on your own experience, you shift the spotlight to show that everyone has their moments. This helps the other person feel less isolated and more open to the conversation, knowing it’s something that can happen to anyone.

3. Be Empathetic

When it’s time to address the issue, it’s important to focus on the behavior, not the person. Making it about the person with phrases like “you’re emitting a really bad smell” can come across as harsh and put them on the defensive. Instead, approach the situation with kindness and curiosity: “Hey, I’ve noticed that your usual fresh vibe seems a little off lately. Is everything okay?”

This shifts the tone of the conversation from confrontation to care, allowing them to feel supported and not judged. This way, the conversation stays gentle and supportive, showing concern without making them feel criticized or defensive.

4. Suggest a Bath Instead

If the idea of showering feels more like a chore, why not tempt them with the luxury of a bath? Share how you’ve turned bath time into your own relaxing ritual—whether it’s sinking into a warm soak with a soothing bath bomb (bonus points for gifting them one!) or unwinding with your favorite playlist. You can even share a fun fact about the benefits of bath time—like how a warm bath can help you sleep better, reduce stress, improve circulation, and even soothe sore muscles or joint pain. By reframing bath time as an indulgent self-care experience rather than a task, they might just be more inclined to give it a try.

5. Focus on the Benefits

Shift the conversation to highlight the benefits of showering rather than focusing on any perceived shortcomings. Emphasize how refreshing and revitalizing it feels to be clean, and how shower time can serve as a personal reset. You could say something like, “A hot shower is honestly my favorite way to reset—I always feel so much more awake, relaxed, and confident after!” Focusing on the positive experiences and the personal benefits they could gain, can make the message feel encouraging rather than critical.

Some benefits of shower time to highlight could include:

Boosts mood: The warmth and relaxation can improve mental clarity and reduce stress.

Enhances circulation: The hot water helps stimulate blood flow, leaving you feeling more energized.

Improves sleep: A warm shower can help you unwind and sleep better by relaxing your muscles.

Improves skin health: Cleansing your skin helps remove impurities and dead skin cells, promoting a healthier glow.

Refreshes your mind: Showers provide a moment of quiet, helping clear your mind and reset after a busy day.

Increases confidence: A clean, fresh feeling boosts self-esteem and makes you feel more put together.

Makes you smarter: The Shower Effect refers to the phenomenon where people often experience a burst of creativity or insight while showering, likely due to the relaxed state and mental clarity that the activity provides.

6. Practice Patience and Keep an Open Mind

Change takes time, so don’t expect an immediate shift. If your first conversation doesn’t lead to an instant change, avoid nagging or pressuring the person to soap up. Sometimes, simply planting the seed of awareness is enough to prompt action later on. People need space to process and make their own decisions, so approach the situation with patience and understanding, knowing that progress may come gradually.

Additionally, remember that different cultures have varying norms around bathing frequency, so keep an open mind and be respectful of their perspective. Ultimately, the goal is to support them in a positive and nonjudgmental way.

7. Be More Direct with Those Closest to You

When it comes to close relationships, like with a partner or best friend, sugarcoating might not be necessary. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is be straightforward. A direct approach like, “I think you need a shower—I can already smell that you’re due for one,” may feel a bit blunt, but in relationships built on trust and openness, it’s unlikely to cause discomfort. Instead, the person will likely appreciate your honesty, knowing it comes from a place of care and not judgment.

8. Offer Gentle Reminders if You Live Together

If you’re sharing a space, you’re in a unique position to nudge them regularly without it feeling like a confrontation. Use casual opportunities to encourage showering, like saying, “I just cleaned the shower—it’s spotless now if you want to use it!” or “I’m about to start laundry, so it’s a great time to toss in the clothes you're wearing now.” These gentle prompts can feel more like casual suggestions than critiques.

9. Create an Inviting Bathroom Environment

If you live together, consider turning the bathroom into a haven they’ll want to escape to. Add plush, cozy towels, calming candles, or even a waterproof speaker for their favorite music or podcasts. Pair these with enticing shower products, like invigorating shower steamers and delightfully-scented bath soaps, to make the experience feel less like a chore and more like a luxurious retreat. Creating a space that’s inviting and relaxing can go a long way in encouraging better hygiene habits naturally.

10. Say It with Gifts

Sometimes, a thoughtful gift can say what words cannot. Surprise them with luxurious, scented bath products they’ll be excited to use, like a calming lavender patchouli bath soap, a peppermint-infused scrub, or a CBD bath bomb. A product that smells amazing and feels luxurious can be the nudge they need to embrace better habits. Pair it with something like a cozy towel or bathrobe to complete the experience and make showering feel more indulgent.

Our verdict?

When addressing hygiene, how you approach the topic is just as important as what you say. Poor hygiene can result from many factors, from simple oversight to deeper cultural or personal influences. By approaching the conversation with empathy and kindness, and focusing on the behavior rather than making it personal, you open the door to change without causing embarrassment or conflict.

Ultimately, your goal is to help, not shame. A gentle nudge in the right direction can make a world of difference—not just for them, but for everyone around them. After all, the world smells better when we all do our part. Literally.